womans care

Mornings often come quickly in this house. In fact, there are often pre-morning greetings throughout the night from my son reminding me that morning is approaching. Most of the time I can appreciate those interruptions in my sleep. Most of the time.

Being a Mother is the greatest joy. It is also the biggest, most intensive and exhausting job. The delicate combination of my age mixed with 16 months of reduced sleep no longer allows me to express that joy in ways I once did...

Over the years of instructing postnatal exercise classes, many women have heard me say that the effort and energy they have to expend in the classes may depend upon how much sleep they've had in the previous few days. It can be discouraging when the desire a Woman has to be healthy, fit and strong is impacted by the very real demands placed upon her by her children. Some days we can tackle life with gusto and some days we can't. 

Strength and wellness is not only measured by our physical condition, but more importantly, it has to do with our ability to navigate the mental and emotional demands placed upon us as we raise our small children. Admitting to frustration and fatigue doesn't make a woman ungrateful or indulgent, I think it takes great courage!

A while back the mother of a friend emailed me the link to "The Invisible Mom-Building Cathedrals" 

‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

*this was written in the Fall of 2010 & was also published in Alberta's "Urban Infant" Winter 2011 web magazine on P.22!

Everyday I am grateful for the freedom to have a job I am passionate about, and while the dancing is AWESOME and the families are FUN, what I love most is being able to empathize and encourage everyone who crosses the studio threshold. Often I find myself saying to people, “...and on my ‘to-do-list’ of a million items I’d like to add this...” and then I have to go home and assess where “that” fits into my schedule. That being said, this post is for all you women out there striving to find balance in your professional and personal lives. I lose track of how many times a woman has bared her soul about how overwhelming the task of juggling life and raising a child can be...AGREED! 

Following the birth of your child, the time comes when you must begin to face the inevitable, your job. Some of us dread it, some of us welcome it with open arms and a glad heart, and for some there is the luxury to avoid it all together (and that comes with another string of challenges). Inevitably, all women come to a place where they must decide how they will raise their children and one major contributing factor is when and where a woman chooses to work. 

Whether working solely as a stay-at-home mom, a mompreneur or a full-time professional we are all faced with the same question: who am I in this world and how will it impact my child? While I cannot speak for others, I do make a point to explore this question with as many woman as possible. I am constantly reminded of one thing, while the circumstances and details are often different, the complex nature of the parent-child relationship is the same with every single woman.

For all of the complaining I hear about our country and its’ inequities we must praise the fact that most working women are granted one full compensated year to plant their maternal feet after giving birth. Then there is the population of women who are not eligible for the government parental leave, like myself. Looking back, the decision I made to leave the ranks of ‘employee’ to become self-employed is one I would make a thousand times over. There is a relatively new term, mompreneur, which by definition is ‘a woman who establishes a business at home while also acting as the full-time parent of her children’. Yep, that’s me.

My daughter was 7 months old when I began this company, so in fact, it was the second birth in our family in less than a year...WHAT WAS I THINKING???!! I was thinking that, yes, it is hard to be a mom, and yes, it’s alot of work, but the role of mother could be not only something a woman survives, but actually thrives in. I often attribute my ‘first year’ survival to a weekly group of moms that held one another up through the adventures of parenting a baby. But what about the plethora of women isolated at home? 

Many women who are home on a first-time maternity leave are hoping to find time to “do stuff” and as the truth of what mat-leave entails rears it head they are left feeling disappointed. Compile that with trying to figure out what to do with this little person and you have a woman with many questions and little time to explore the answers. 

The mind of a mother is filled with anticipation of what needs have to met in the next hour, two hours, twenty-four hours, the next week. If men think woman talk alot they should have a listen at the stream of dialogue in our BRAINS! Oh but for the sound of silence...

Every family must carefully coordinate and decide how they spend the hours of their day. When a woman is away from her loved ones there are often feelings of guilt. The minutes tick away before she has to get back to tending her family. So, even when we’re gone, we’re always engaged in meeting the needs of our clan. I remembering talking with my husband before launching my business trying to answer this question, “if I work outside of the home, am I working to pay another person to raise my child? Does this job justify spending those hours away from her?” Tough questions.

At the time of my first pregnancy, I was employed as a data entry clerk, the ultimate low-responsibility job coupled with two wonderful women who supervised me, it was the perfect pre-baby job! I could wear anything to work and could mentally escape while my body went through the motions of completing the days’ work. It also afforded me time to evaluate the direction my life was heading and devote myself to becoming a self-respecting and grounded woman. Throw a baby in the mix and my self-indulgent job became much less attractive. 

When we hold our infants in our arms we cannot help but wonder who they will become. While our children will ultimately make that decision for themselves we have a large role to play in shaping them. Having harboured a dream for many years, I knew I had a responsibility to practice what I planned to preach to my child. I wanted her to be confident in her life’s purpose yet sensitive to those around her and their needs. I wanted her to be bold in her choices while maintaing respect and consideration for other people. It would be hypocritical to ask her to live like this had I not also walked that path myself...yikes!!!

Four years later, I've seen this company grow from 13 families in our first session in 2007 to over 100 families in current sessions! The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive and encouraging and there seems to be no signs of slowing down. It was always a hope of mine that Moms (and Dads) would experience a warm, fun and supportive environment in these classes with the side benefit of getting out and getting active. 

As a working mother with a 6-week old baby, I am preparing this company for another fall launch. I must ask myself the same questions I had when Charlotte was a baby, “What kind of a parent do I want to be? What kind of family do I want to raise and how do I want my children to remember me when they're older? Does this job justify spending hours away from my children?” Does this sound familiar to anyone???

Whatever job a woman has, I believe it is beneficial to take time to truly evaluate the direction your family is heading. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life. Even now as we spend more time viewing the world through social networking media we must be sure to keep life in context. It always amazes me to find people at every end of the human spectrum. When reading about the "exhausted, baby-brained, sleep deprived" mother versus the mother who "got up, did four loads of laundry, painted the hallway and has supper in the slow cooker," most of us will look down on ourselves for not having accomplished what the supermom did that day and wonder, "why can't I keep up like her?" Well, even she has tough days, keep watching her posts!!!...but we don't think of that do we?

As we prepare for the fall "schedules" of our lives, I challenge all of you women to sit down first, make a cup of tea or coffee, and take a few moments to honestly evaluate the direction of your life. Rather than wonder in a week if you can "manage your schedule" ask yourself, "does this schedule take into account the time we need to love one another, play together, eat, drink and be merry? Will I have the time to breath and be grateful for the health and freedom afforded to my beautiful family?" 

*updated: the content of this post really challenged me as a mother and with honest evaluation and waning physical strength I made the tough decision to close the business after a massive relaunch. At the time I struggled with feelings of immense failure, but I also knew that "failing" in my professional life meant that I was thriving in my role as mother to two small children. There are seasons of life in which our children require us to available to them 24 hours a day to meet their every need. 

I cannot tell you the number of emails from Mothers who professed their own intense heartache for trying to be all things to all people. While there was criticism from a handful of people, I realized that the majority of families had a tremendous amount of respect and support for another parent who was able to make the tough decision to put their dreams on hold to meet the needs of their children and spouse.  

Our children deserve the very best, and that includes having healthy, engaged parents. Have you represented yourself well in this regard?

"In times of difficulty, you may feel that your problems will go on and on, but they won't. Every mountain has a top. Every problem has a life span. The question is, who is going to give in first, the frustration or you?" - Dr. Robert Schuller.

Forget the fact that the last time I slept through the night was well over 15 months ago (I include the last two months of pregnancy when I woke to eat Cheerios at 4am every night). I am quite well-adjusted to interrupted nights and for the most part, I gratefully welcome the sleepy relationship that we have between the hours of 11pm and 6am.  However, in the past three weeks my son and I have met, frequently, throughout the night to endure molar-eruption. And I am dead-dog tired.

Mucky, murky, perspective-slurring tired. Been there?

I have been, umm...how can I say this...prickly. Oh, and a little nuts.

Thankfully, my maternally-insane moments have lessened significantly with my second child. But my goodness, memories of my first weeks of being a mother are always close to the surface. While they are peppered with memories of a healthy, beautiful child, those memories are also alive with heapings of guilt, heartache and distress.

Before having children you try to grasp all of the talk of "the sacrifice of parenthood" and all that mumbo-jumbo? But it doesn't actually become real until you are laden with a fully-dependent newborn and a head full of "textured" hair that itches from not being washed.

As I was drowning in uncovering the surprising demands of early parenthood, I underwent that massive transformation from being fully independent to having a part of my heart outside of my body that came with a little hungry mouth, grabby hands and the need to be with me twenty-four hours a day. And I panicked.
 

Now, given that I was in my late twenties, I like to think that I've developed some tried & true methods for dealing with personal stressors: journaling, prayer, heartfelt conversations with dear friends, listening quietly to music, etc.  Yet something happened I was completely unprepared for, the harsh reality that there was no time for me to partake of any of those previous helps. I had joined ranks with the thousands of mothers who went before me and wondered how on earth they managed to survive...

Let me tell you, I barely made it through those first months. Barely.

And the guilt I felt for not "enjoying" every moment with my new baby was overwhelming. I felt that I was doing everything wrong. Until I started talking with other mothers. Many longed to marry their independent lifestyle with the responsibilities of motherhood.

In conclusion Iet me say this, I've not found a magic solution nor achieved the elusive "balance" that modern society claims to be the cure for ills. I'm up one day and down the next. From high energy house cleaning to living out of laundry baskets for weeks at a time, I'm learning to let go of what I think life should be and trying (sometimes failing) to embrace what life is now.

For example, it took me approximately six seven hours to write this post. In that time children were taken care of, a princess canopy bed was made out an old sheet, some napping happened, my one-year old toddled naked on our backdeck and I managed to get in a couple cups of coffee.

Some of the kindest, most encouraging words I've heard these past few months comes from older women I meet, sometimes even complete strangers. You know, the Grandma type in the cotton flowered blouse. Not only do they remember how tiring this stage of life is, they often have the ability to say the right thing to make me feel like I'm not a mental case. They remind me that all of those sacrifices do pay off, and furthermore, I often hear how they wished they'd taken more time to just enjoy their children. 

The order of our life often is disorder. There are days when the demand of these small people takes it toll on me. Then I tell myself again, one day they'll zip out the door not needing my constant care and attention and I'll have time for myself aplenty...and according to the older, wiser women, part of me is probably going to miss that. So for now I will try to joyfully use my time to invest in their future.

Though it may seem like there are many sacrifices today, I know I'm building brighter futures and when I look back in 15 or 20 years I'll be happy that I was content to put my coffee in a travel mug so it's still warm four hours later rather than begrudge having a quiet morning cup to myself!