domestics
sucks o'clock.
We often share traits with our children. My youngest child and I are in sync most of the time, yet his joie de vivre for waking in the early morning hours is never one of those moments.
There was a period of time when I told myself I didn't mind so much because he was a wee baby and he needed me to provide comfort when he was teething or going through a growth or developmental spurt. Now, 19 months in, it has become obvious that he is, quite simply, half boy-half rooster.
To have a child that is late to bed and early to rise means there are infringements upon my "kid-free" time. To be honest, I don't require a lot of time to myself. We really do enjoy our kids, but this child brings with him weeks upon weeks of teething that leaves for little rest. It leaves this mother quite worn. My ability to process the world around me is affected by the sleeplessness...and it makes me a little, umm, prickly.
My home feels like the creative force that is childhood threw up in every corner of the house. I looked down the other day and discovered that at some point in the week a dried cranberry met it's match under the rolling wheel of my office chair and now remains a filthy little trail of dust, fuzz and cat hair casually weaved in amongst the stickiness that was once fruity goodness. Sigh...
Oh, and he also freed the cards in my wallet from their organizational prison. The good news in this is that I was confident my Visa was not stolen, but just temporarily AWOL. Two weeks later and I caught him sliding another card through the little slots between the drawers of a dresser. VOILA...inside were the stack of missing cards!
I spoke with a friend this week who is also in a demanding season of life and feels as though circumstances have kept her from being able to tend to her family's needs. I laughed when I discovered that the one thing I could do to lend a hand is to vacuum her floor. Her floors were dirty, but they were not covered in toys...it was a a pleasant vacuuming experience for me! It's funny how something so seemingly mundane can alter a woman's mood.
Then there is the little known fact that there are women who take showers for one of two reasons, they need to rinse their hair after they colour it, OR the shower needs to be cleaned. They can tackle personal hygiene and chores in one fell swoop. You've done this haven't you?!
I don't think much will change in this house in the next few years. Life will continue to busy from little bodies, I will probably still be tired, my dining room will have a perpetual road map of flattened cranberries and cat hair, and my daughter will continue to ask, "why do you always have red lines in your eyes?"
~Kirsty
hello morning. hello stuff.
Mornings often come quickly in this house. In fact, there are often pre-morning greetings throughout the night from my son reminding me that morning is approaching. Most of the time I can appreciate those interruptions in my sleep. Most of the time.
Being a Mother is the greatest joy. It is also the biggest, most intensive and exhausting job. The delicate combination of my age mixed with 16 months of reduced sleep no longer allows me to express that joy in ways I once did...
Over the years of instructing postnatal exercise classes, many women have heard me say that the effort and energy they have to expend in the classes may depend upon how much sleep they've had in the previous few days. It can be discouraging when the desire a Woman has to be healthy, fit and strong is impacted by the very real demands placed upon her by her children. Some days we can tackle life with gusto and some days we can't.
Strength and wellness is not only measured by our physical condition, but more importantly, it has to do with our ability to navigate the mental and emotional demands placed upon us as we raise our small children. Admitting to frustration and fatigue doesn't make a woman ungrateful or indulgent, I think it takes great courage!
A while back the mother of a friend emailed me the link to "The Invisible Mom-Building Cathedrals"
‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
Her email was a good reminder that all of the BAZILLION things I do in a day really does matter, you know, the bazillion things you know you do but cannot remember for the life of you. The bazillion things you do that make you look up at the clock and think, "where did the day go????" Those things matter.
And for those really tough days, we can thank sites like this for their "lazy mother's crafts" list that include games like "draw on mommy" or "give the child a roll of toilet paper and let him do whatever he wants!"
I just realized that as I finished typing I narrowly escaped my son about to tear up our child tax credit cheque...gag...So, anyway, have a great day. doing all your stuff.
carpe diem catches up to me.
Oh the laundry can wait!
Play with the children! Read to the children! ENJOY THE CHILDREN!
They're only little for so long...
So I do.
Then this happens...
All of the "carpe diem" embracing I did earlier in the week catches up to me. While I would love to pretend that putting off chores to spend time with the kids is all about the kids, it's not entirely true. I also happen to hate folding laundry. See...
And then when everyone is running around the house in a mad dash looking for socks and underwear, my grande plan of "seizing the day" seems less grande. All of the joy and serenity we had achieved in our whimsical wonder dissolves into a race of half-dressed, agitated family members sporting furrowed brows and wrinkled attire.
This becomes the moment where I'm convinced the kids will only remember the stress of our lives and forget the impulsive, fun adventures earlier in the week. Sigh...
Determining the benefit of carpe diem is one experiment I am willing to participate in until I have a solid conclusion. In the very least it opens door to have discussions about the importance of being brave enough to try things, in the face of potentially making a mistake or getting things wrong. In our house it is the thought that counts...or at least, that's we are working on. Funny thing is, I think I might be learning more than my kids!
ps...I say it's a funny thing, but it is never funny at the time.
chore chart.
In the housecleaning department it would appear that I am my own worst enemy.
I present to you a visual definition of what could be deemed another "domestic trapping" for the already tired Woman:
the chore chart. Surely that will make all the difference...
'no' spoken is time ensured.
I wish I could have...
I am sorry, but we have plans already...
If only I hadn't agreed to...
One day I am going to...
Thanksgiving Day invites us to take a moment to reflect on all we are thankful for. I have a hard and fast rule about not working on weekends anymore, yet somehow this post needs to come today, as the punctuation on an already thoughtful few days.
Last year at this time I rambled off the standard, "good health, beautiful children, a home to call our own, etc..." and yet at the end of it all, there was a lingering hole in my heart. I chastised myself for having any hard feelings at the end of the day, almost carrying a sense of shame for wanting more. So what was it?
Time.I simply wanted more time.
Time with my family.
Time in my home.
Time investing in the foundation I longed to give my kids.
So rather than lament, I took a long, hard look at where my time was going and decided to make some drastic changes. I talked my way through the decision process with friends and we all mirrored each other in that we longed to cherish these days with our little ones. It does go very fast...too fast for anyone's liking. Add to that the constant chorus of more seasoned parents peppering us with knowledgable warnings of life's breakneck progression and you have a recipe for women striving to create and preserve an endless supply of experiences and memories upon which we will one day reflect with great joy and warmth.
So exhausting.
There has been a tremendous amount of loss in my life, and specifically the loss of young people who died far too soon to be fair. It has always prompted me to question how I spend the days of my life, even before I had children. Why is it that when we think of things in terms of "how would you spend the last days of your life" our daily picture looks so differently in the mind's eye?
I decided on my last birthday that I would practice the art of saying no. What that entailed was a lengthy process of evaluating every opportunity that presented itself and how it stacked up against what the vision for my family was. Admittedly, it made me very panicky and anxious because I realized I had willingly entered a state of living that was fluid and quickly-moving. Rather than being aboard a chosen boat atop the rapid waters of life, I was that person who had fallen out of the boat with a lifejacket and an orange helmet and was frantically flailing within the white water dodging rocks and debris and trying to keep my lungs filled with air. It was terrifying. And exhausting.
Little by little I found my way to the end of that experience. It was partially due to my determination to survive while reaching out for the helping hands of friends and loved ones who knew exactly what path I was trying to get on as the maternal heart of our home.
With trepidation I began to say no to a variety of opportunities, exciting and interesting opportunities. An interesting thing happened...small moments of quiet and stillness. I began to read a bit, hold my kids more, get on the floor to look them in the eyes and truly observe how the world looked to them. For the most part it was delightful, but sometimes it was scary because I began to see that there were some significant holes in the pattern I was knitting for my family...holes that I believe would allow my children to fall through if I weren't more conscientious.
After a year of practicing this newfound skill of saying no, I discovered that 'no' spoken is time ensured. There are a lot of things that get set aside, the house is definitely messy, the to-do list will always have things on it, but I'm okay with that. At the end of my life I'll never regret saying no to being involved in more meetings, committees or activities.
Having time allows me to teach my children the value of peace and quiet. They are so much happier when they are well-rested, and so am I. As the mother, I need to know how my kids are doing, their hearts, their minds, their spirits and their relationships.
I simply must make the time to build a solid foundation to prepare them to springboard out into the world as mindful, caring adults. This also means I must develop relationships with other families and women who support my personal vision and respect the choices I make in my lifetime.
Saying 'no' has meant letting go of some unhealthy habits and relationship, and that requires strength and courage. I am thankful to be surrounded by people who understand these complex, precious times. Not only have I freed up hours in my schedule, I am released from hours of mental and emotional clutter that I can now devote to enjoying what is right in front of me. Two beautiful little people who deserve the very best. I'm not going to wait until someone tells me that time is running out. At the end of my life I will surely look back and smile for all of the hours I spent gazing up these two special blessings and breathing in the goodness that is our life.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
organization irritation.
So, how's your to-do list looking this week? I will never, and I mean NEVER, be on top of my ever-growing list of chores and responsibilities. The real clincher is that having wee little ones in the house sometimes makes me feel like it will be years before I can even look at my "want" list...but in the end I try to approach things with a little chuckle. Laugh or cry, right?!!!
i'm gonna...nevermind....
[proud moment as cheering commences...Woman tackles to-do list with gusto, verve and abandon]
Business open!
Registrations coming in!
Blog post ideas stirring!
and just like that, all non-essential list items fell to the wayside.
I donned my usual 'home for four straight days' outfit and hoped that a new client wouldn't show up on my doorstep to drop off payment. Don't laugh...it happened a few years back...at the exact moment my husband and I were digging through a rubbermaid container while being half-dressed in old dance costumes preparing for a murder-mystery event set in the early 1900s. I was wearing a low-cut baby-blue lyrical dress with a lacy curtain tied around my waist while he was wearing skin-tight black spandex leggings which were supposed to be the underlings to a previously-historically-masculine pair of balloon-type pants. I think the client was more embarrassed than we were - and I honestly wondered if she'd withdraw her registration!
It's OK, she and I are facebook friends NOW, and it's a laughable memory..NOW. Sooooo anyway...with my hideous apparel and increasingly stiffening hair, the week went by and I looked upon my brood with mostly love, sometimes agitation, and cheered for small victories. I had that one crowing moment of pride when I realized that had I been "on my domestic game" and put away the gift bags and tissue paper from a couple of presents my friend had dropped off earlier in the week, the children would not have had their favourite toy from this round of self-assigned home confinement...
but really, all of this just to say, my to-do list didn't even get looked at other than to do move it to the wayside to avoid becoming an impromptu nose-wiper or chewing item for the baby and we're all alive and on the mend!
Thank God it's Friday!!!!! Happy weekend everyone!